Healing of a Sensitive Creative Soul

{FROM MY JOURNAL}

"Have we given up on God?

Is it too hard to trust Him with our lives? Have we seen too much suffering and heartache in our life and others?

Have we stopped listening all together? We have constant entertainment available - does it bring us hope and peace?

Making space for God and all good things takes a desire to want more - a recognition of emptiness  -

Eyes and senses open to truly see truth..."

I decided to go to counseling for high anxiety after some life stress (financial, death, identity). I ended up realizing I needed an entire cleansing: body, heart, mind and soul. It is still happening. But I wanted to share about the Peace that God has given me.

In counseling, I was reminded of my sensitive nature, my "burden bearing" nature and my empathy for others. I had been blocking a lot of negative thoughts and had not worked through them. I think this resulted in the numbing of positive emotions as well.

I realized that I had felt a strong sense of "powerlessness" for many years and often took on other's feelings of powerlessness. I realized that my primary motivation to make money from my creativity was not what God wanted for me.

My life has slowed WAY down and I spend and hour or two with my Bible and journal each day. I spend time walking, sitting with my chickens and doing nothing. Sometimes it feels tedious. Sometimes I have mental or emotional breakthroughs and the peace and shelter that I feel is all worth it. (I have come a long way in a few months!)

Other activities that have helped in this Season of healing; increased nutrition and working on my health issues. (I enjoy a large green smoothie every day and take many nutritional supplements including probiotics). Listening to music; mostly Hillsong on YouTube (via my phone). Watching my absolute favorite series; Road to Avonlea. Essential oils to improve mood; Lavender and Bergamot. Reading books that enhance my understanding and well-being: Why Does God Allow Pain and Suffering by  Harold E. Eberle . This is Your Brain on Joy by Earl Henslin. Tracks by Robyn Davidson. I have cut back on social obligations. and I continue my year of picnics.

I remind myself of truth; my burden is to be light and I am to be FULLY ALIVE.

I have wanted to prove to others that a "sensitive creative" could make a living. I have wanted to give hope to other "sensitive creatives" that they could be a "success." BUT instead, God has clearly shown me that I must do what He wants each day and He will take care of the rest. He will provide. I must not be afraid.

I needed to let go of the pressure to have a clear purpose. I wanted my purpose and my life to have a title and be bold. and written in the sky...

God seemed to be giving me only two jobs for this Season:

1)Enjoy Life/Beauty

2)Spend time with Him

God wants me to be "WHO I AM" (who He made me to be).

Instead of comparing myself to others, I'm to be the best me!

It's very easy for me to look at Instagram or Blogs or even great To-Do lists for Instagrammers or Bloggers and feel completely overwhelmed. I think back on the last three years of many photoshoots and much work and I wish I could go back to that but too many things propel me forward. I am more compelled to live a simpler life at home. All that advice for Bloggers I'm sure I tried at least once in the past 7 years but none of it felt right. Even now, sharing such vulnerable things from my heart is tedious and painful.

God seems to want more for me, more joy, more peace. This is what moves me forward. He wants me to understand. He wants me to effortlessly be "Who I Am."

(from my Bible, in the margin near Romans 4)

Out of the hopelessness of death You bring new life.

Out of the prison of sin You bring redemption.

Out of the weakness of human flesh You bring victory.

All by Grace. All by Faith.

And that is all You are looking for from us - faith.

Not great accomplishments, not self-righteousness - not pedigree but simple faith that brings you glory.

Faith that perseveres in spite of adversity, faith no larger than a mustard seed. For faith is the seed that grows into a tree of righteousness, and the fruit of righteousness is peace with you.

I had wanted to show "fruit" of all my work. I was kind of obsessed with working hard and wondering where my "fruit" was? When I stumbled on this verse, I knew it was meant for me...God wanted me to have peace.

Isaiah 32:17 - The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.

God had finally given me "fruit." - PEACE

peace that what I love to do was given to me by Him

peace that He has a plan and has blessed my work even when I don't see it

peace in accepting that by faith God will take care of my needs when I surrender my life to Him and seek Him first.

My life work includes being who I am and

taking refuge, daily, in God's word and listening to God's love that gives life to my dreams and leads me beside quiet waters. Realizing that my weaknesses partner with God's strong power and my strengths, given to me directly by my Father, are to give me Life and light up my eyes with Joy and Hope.

BE WHO YOU ARE 2017 {FROM MY JOURNAL}

"Homemaker, Caring for others, Chicken owner, Garden tender, Decorator, Quilt maker, Photographer, Nature walker, Book reader...

It's not really about me." God shines bright through us when we are FULLY ALIVE.

Lord, help me to discern goodness and righteousness and to point it out and celebrate it!

Seek to see the Good. If I am looking for Bad, I will find it.

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. Genesis 2:1

The goal is to find joy and trust and freedom no matter our circumstances. - I'm on my way.

Psalm 77: 12, 13

I will meditate on all your works and consider ALL your mighty deeds. Your ways O God are holy. What god is so great as our God?

Trust in His deliverance. Seek to Understand.

I want to thank my counselor for pointing out helpful truths and good books to read all the while pointing to God as my Healer. I also want to thank my daughter and my husband for taking my picture and for stopping for fields of wildflowers on our recent road trip to the Oregon Coast.

4 thoughts on “Healing of a Sensitive Creative Soul

  1. FlowerLady

    I just came to your blog via Poofing the Pillows. I believe I was led here by Jesus because He wanted me to be encouraged by your gracious words and beautiful photos.

    As I read, tears were streaming. I lost my dear husband 4 1/2 years ago, we were married for 43 years. Two years after he went to be with Jesus, I lost the job I’d had for 17 years because of business closing down. I am receiving a small SS check learning to trust Jesus daily in taking care of me and my every need. I have been on a mad dash to make my creative works into a business, but am stopped at the moment from doing so. I too feel Him telling me to be still, to know that He is the great I AM and to relax and be at peace with my life as it is now and to search out His beauty and gifts with each new day.

    Thank you for putting your thoughts down for all to read. I have been greatly blessed and encouraged. Sincerely ~ FlowerLady

    1. Melanie Beilner Post author

      FlowerLady,
      I am so glad that you were encouraged by my experience and blog post. I hope you can trust God with His provision and enjoy your creativity if that is how God is leading you. We each are created uniquely and God can lead us to be who He made us to be. Thanks for taking time to comment. God Bless!

    1. Melanie Beilner Post author

      Thanks Lori for taking time to read my thoughts and I hope they bring you closer to God. (YOU are inspiring!)

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