Dear You and Me, (written a couple months ago; images from the month of May 2017)
It is on my heart to say,
"Take it easy. It is ALL going to be okay."
It's okay to let those things go. It's okay to let most of it go.
Why, oh why, do we keep wanting "perfect" ~ when there is no such thing?
Why do we long deeply for what we can't have? Then, when we get it, we move on to wanting something else ever so much.
Why do movies and novels move our souls to cherish dreaming and a false reality?
It is because of heaven. Eternity. God does not want us to forget that this is not our real home.
Why do we long for more? Why is the longing so deep within our souls?
Why does nothing really fill it up? What can fill our deepest parts?
What helps heal our broken hearts?
How do I keep a balance in my soul of believing in a perfect Heaven AND seeing beauty in the mess here on this earth?
I want the ache in my heart, in my soul to be soothed, to be healed. I want the broken cracks to be fixed and repurposed into something pretty.
I search for soul soothing daily. Without thinking about it. Without realizing my own thoughts. Without realizing I am pursuing the wrong antidote. The wrong medicine for my broken heart.
I've tried cleaning, decorating, retail therapy, even creative to-do lists, even something all to myself.
Almost by accident I have experienced truer forms of therapy for my soul. Breathing in the silence. Walking in the field. Petting the horses, observing the newborn calf, touching the smallest of Spring blooms about to burst, soaking up the softness of a warm cat in my lap, laughing over crazy nothings with my teenagers, looking at my husband with contentedness, letting inspiration guide my day to be creative for no purpose but to enjoy.
~Why, oh why, do I still then think that if my house was perfectly clean and decorated that I would be happy? ~That if I had my own published book(s) sitting on my coffee table, they would make me happy. ~That when I finally get chickens, I will be happy. ~That when my husband cleans up his shop and wood, I would be happy. ~That when the yard gets cleaned up, I will be happy. ~That when all the bills are paid, I will be happy.
"The time to be happy is now."
Certainly, there could be some happiness, when any of these things happen, but to expect that someday things will finally be set to right, I'll finally "get it together," and "get all my ducks (or chicks) in a row." Why do I keep on believing that someday....everything will be perfect?
Because God gave you and I a soul that beats for beauty and for heaven.
Ah-ha! Finally, the truth can set me free! My expectations are not SO far off...someday, everything will be perfect!!! In heaven!
But, what to do in this mess and brokenness on this earth???
Seek for beauty that fills my Soul. Be Creative without regard to achievement or performance. Be creative no matter the outcome.
"An artist is out of love with the ordinary. She has a hunger for eternity." (adapted quote from Mary Oliver)
As I reflect on my last couple weeks, I am down to "low" in my Soul - tank. I've made choices too many days that have left me wanting, grasping for more. I want more days that lift my spirit and soothe my broken heart. And now that I have clues as to what those activities are, how am I going to spend my one precious life? what am I going to fill up my soul with?
That obsession for perfection can be a sickness that goes on and on if not treated properly.
The truth is our first medicine. No matter how much we keep on believing that perfection will make us happy, it is simply not true here on this earth. The truth exposes the lies we tell ourselves. We compare ourselves and our homes to images and think that we don't measure up. We think ALL those other people have got things under control...after too much time on Pinterest, we might look around at our mess and decide it don't make us happy.
After spending several years practicing styling and photography, let me tell you that the images I take may be very beautiful but my home and life is messier than EVER because it takes so much time to style and photograph. However, a part of my creative side came alive when I started doing styling and photography. It opened my heart and soul to joy and emotion I had stuffed down.
As I'm sitting at the dining table writing this piece, I look around to messes EVERYWHERE. Spring to-do lists, recipes, books, piles of slip covers clean and ready to go back on, etc. Why don't I take pictures of the messes to show you on this blog? Well.....hmmmm. Let's just say I prefer to show you "Sunday Best." I prefer to share my "reaching toward heaven" moments. My reality doesn't seem as pretty.
The stress of this last Season nearly did me in but I plodded on. I painted my kitchen cabinets every day; the painting strokes were soothing and rhythmic as my Father in-law died and my husband looked completely helpless. When I was too tired to be this creative, I journaled and listened to soothing music. When my thoughts became sad and negative, I texted myself lovely thoughts.
Because I get to choose what I do everyday. Because I know what helps me I will choose soul restoring activities. Because I will give myself a break. Because I remember how quickly a downward spiral can happen.
I am still struggling to help soothe my anxiety, insomnia and obsessions...I struggle with my to-do lists. Most of them include worthwhile chores and projects that I tell myself will make me happy. I have a strong suspicion that I am filling my days with too much "busy" work and not enough soul filling activities. Since I am in charge of my life, how am I going to change? Wouldn't I rather have peace, joy and a simple life rather than striving toward a "perfect" home?
Dear you and me,
What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? What makes you content? Write them down and post them on your walls. That will be our to-do list. That will be our life.
Bye for Now,
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty....
P.s. Coming Soon; the Healing of a Sensitive Soul! and finally a Huge Breakthrough; PEACE!